All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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