Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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