I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to have your abortion
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
