i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
