i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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