i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
