She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
