hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
