My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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