Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
