i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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