did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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