just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
