the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
