he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
