No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
