I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
