you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
