The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
