i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The power of my boobs compel you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
