Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
