4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
