i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
