I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
