I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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