I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
