i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
