it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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