i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
