So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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