when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
