Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
