I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We need to rekindle our bromance
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
