Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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