I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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