so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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