my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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