That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
