i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
