Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
