I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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