this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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