just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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