the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
