Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
