Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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