i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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