I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
