Don't you send me to vm
Buhtt sex?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
