It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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