it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
