dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
